No one can deny that parents play an essential role in teaching their children to participate appropriately and safely in everyday life. And there is no denying that there are some real threats to your kids’ safety, both mentally and physically, in the real world.
But how do you, as a parent, slowly expose your children to these threats without throwing them to the wolves or, on the other hand, helicopter-ing around them and impeding their ability to make choices for themselves and learn from mistakes?
What is helicopter parenting anyway?
What is a helicopter parent?
A helicopter parent is a parent who pays extremely close attention to their child’s experiences and problems. This parenting style is characterized by hovering, micromanaging, and high involvement in the child’s life, often to the detriment of the child’s ability to develop independence and self-reliance.
“The term “helicopter parent” was first used in Dr. Haim Ginott’s 1969 book Between Parent and Teenager. A teen in the book reported that his mother watched over him like a helicopter.” This is because helicopter parents typically exhibit high levels of control and involvement in various aspects of their child’s life, from academics and extracurricular activities to social interactions and personal decisions.
Helicopter parents often keep a firm grip on their child’s schedule, may intervene in conflicts and usually complete tasks their child can do on their own. While this level of interference may give the impression that your child has all the resources and support they need to succeed, it can smother the development of crucial life skills like problem-solving, decision-making and self-advocacy – if they have a parent doing it all for them, why would they need to exercise these muscles?
What triggers helicopter parenting habits?
One of the main reasons for helicopter parenting is the desire to protect one’s kids from failure and disappointment. Parents may feel immense pressure to ensure their child’s success and well-being in a highly competitive world of comparison and unhealthy expectations.
While this desire is not wrong, it can lead to an environment where children are shielded from challenges and setbacks—and while this might seem preferable, these experiences are essential for building thick skin and tenacity. Parents prevent their children from developing these qualities by constantly stepping in to resolve issues.
Another contributing factor is the cultural shift towards intensive parenting practices. Through the internet and social media, parents have access to an overwhelming amount of information about child-rearing, which can spark anxiety and the belief that there is a “right” way to parent, leading to hyper-vigilance and over-involvement.
Societal expectations and comparisons with other families may motivate parents to adopt a more hands-on approach to ensure their child’s success and happiness. In other words, there may be a subconscious attempt to control your child’s well-being to be seen as a successful parent.
What does being a helicopter parent mean for your child?
While helicopter parenting does, at its core, come from a place of wanting what is best for your child, it can actually do a significant amount of damage. Emotional, social, and even important stages in cognitive development may be hampered as a result of helicopter parenting.
Emotional development
A parent who constantly intervenes can hinder a child’s ability to develop self-regulation and emotional resilience. When parents shield their children from failure and disappointment time and again, they deprive them of the opportunity to experience and manage a range of emotions, which can lead to increased anxiety and reduced self-esteem as children grow to believe they’re incapable of handling challenges on their own.
Social development
Over-involved parents may limit their children’s opportunities to engage in social interactions independently, which can impede the development of social skills like communication, conflict resolution, and empathy. Children may struggle to form and maintain relationships without their parents’ intervention, leading to an over-reliance on their parents for social cues and approval.
Cognitive development
When parents frequently intervene to solve their children’s problems, they prevent their children from learning to think critically and problem-solve. This leads to a lack of confidence and reduced independent thinking. Over time, children may become less willing to take intellectual risks out of fear of making mistakes.
Behavioral development
Children may exhibit increased dependency, a lack of initiative, poor time management and sloppy organizational skills as a result of their parents doing all this work for them. This dependency can extend into adulthood, making it challenging for these individuals to navigate life’s demands without anxiety and stress.
Am I a helicopter parent?
If you are worried you might be forming negative habits that are impeding your child’s freedom and independence, you might notice some telltale helicopter parenting signs in your life:
- You fight your child’s battles, like calling up the parents of another child to sort out a problem for your kiddo, instead of guiding your child in how to address the situation themselves
- You check in constantly via texts, don’t leave your child at the birthday party, or chaperone all the high school games and events
- You complete your child’s homework/assignments instead of letting them feel the healthy stress that comes with pressure and problem-solving
- You do all the chores no matter how old your child is
- You don’t let your kids be kids to protect them
Numerous signs of helicopter parenting exist, but if any of these sound familiar, it might be worth self-examining to see how your own fears are negatively impacting your child’s life.
Need some parenting help?
If you are seeking parenting counseling, High Focus Centers in PA is here to help. Call 610-644-6464 or fill out our online contact form to speak with a counselor today.
