If It’s Not My Problem, Why Do I Need Help?

The presence of addiction in the family is powerful and destructive. The effects are felt long after the person chooses recovery.

When your partner is struggling with substance use, their addiction can feel like cheating, lying or stealing. Once they’ve been placed in a program, you’re finally free of the rehab admission scene—the drama, promises and hope.

While your partner is in treatment, you’re back home and feeling relieved, waiting eagerly for life to go back to normal when rehab is over. You’re tired of worrying and have decided to take back your life. So no, you’re not going to those stupid family meetings. It’s not your problem. Let them fix the problem, send your partner home, and let you get on with your life.

Why Do I Need Help?

So why do you feel anxious and angry? Isn’t this what you wanted? She’s out there in the country relaxing, meditating, going to meetings, getting therapy and you’re left at home paying the bills, talking to the lawyers and finding the hidden bottles.

Addiction is not a solo sport. It’s a family disease. You did not sign up for it, and it was not your choice, but you need recovery too—possibly even more than your loved one. This is all you’ve known for quite some time, and you’re not sure how to live your life anymore.

Starting today, your identity changes too. There’s no more checking the cell phone or the bank statements, looking for clues. You retire from being a private investigator, jury and judge. What are you now? Who are you?

Co-dependency is a real thing, not just the title of some self-help book. We can help you recover from your loved one’s addiction. Yes, you. The one without the problem.

It’s your turn to heal.

Bonnie J. Baker, MS, LPC, CAADC